lessons from mom

So, we’ve all been there. You’re sick of living at home, sick of having to answer to someone 24/7, and definitely sick of going to the same high school with the same people and doing the same stuff day after day. Then comes the best moment of your life: moving to college. That statement isn’t to be taken with sarcasm, college is truly the most enjoyable and enlightening experience I’ve ever had, but there’s one thing that will always ring true: “mother knows best.” When you’re living with your parents, or parent, or caregiver, or whatever other situation you come from, you never really take a step back and realize all the important lessons that they teach you. They go under the radar and are rarely actually appreciated for their value, so that’s the point of this wholeeeee shebang. So here it goes, things that you didn’t realize that your mother was teaching you until you moved away.

1. Touching food in the sink won’t kill you. It’s disgusting, obviously, but it’s one of those parts of adulting that I truly don’t think I would have survived without her. I swear its only a mother thing, and had I not watched her do it all the time, there’s no way in h-e-double hockey sticks that I would’ve attempted it.
2. Separating laundry is important. To be honest, I have never used this piece of knowledge because I’m the absolute worst, but I guess its at least important to know that it’s what you SHOULD do.
3. Be intentional about things. Was sweeping every day necessary? Absolutely not. Did she do it intentionally? Absolutely. Given, I was raised by a (beautiful, smart, strong, independent) overly clean mother, but I’ve come to realize that she didn’t always do things because they were necessary, but rather she was sticking to her own intentions. This also rings true with how she treated her relationship with me. If she noticed something was wrong or there was some way that she could improve my circumstances, she was INTENTIONAL about doing it. Anything from being persistent when trying to figure out what was wrong to finding the perfect dress for an event, she truly puts the most effort into what she does. In college, I’ve learned to use this skill when it came to doing my work, making friends, and even learning to be a better person. If people see that you are intentional about what you are doing, the respect and support that follows it is almost automatic. Example A: One of my best friends in aubs is named Serena (lovingly known as Renal) and the ONLY reason we are friends is because I practically forced her to go to dinner with me. Fast forward a year and now we live together and she is one of those people that will be beside me through everything (I would’ve said wedding but I’m not too keen on that yet).
4. The grocery store is a great place to meditate. Think about it, you can go alone, nobody bothers you (except for your sometimes super annoying daughter who calls when she doesn’t know where you are) and you can just kinda mosey around until you feel like leaving and nobody will judge you for it. I’ve definitely used this one in college but you can just use your imagination to figure out how.
5. To know when you are wrong (even when you’re very very very wrong). I cannot even begin to tell you how many arguments that I have been in with my mother that ended in the words “oh, I didn’t know that”. There were also a lot of times arguments ended in anger, silence, and absolute hard-feelings. Here’s the one thing in common about every. single. argument: they were all stupid and definitely 178% not worth upsetting my mama. She is the opposite of a pushover, and has the sturdiest spine of any human I know, so why on Earth would the woman just go silent? She knew a lesson that I didn’t yet: the person is always more important than the argument. In college, this has come in handy with friends, boys (they’re a trap don’t do it), and also with the simple pursuit of being a better person. It’s so easy to think that we are the best of the best all the time but the truth is that we are all so so so so so flawed in more ways than imaginable, and that’s so okay.
6. To follow up, love ya flaws. To be frank, my mother is not perfect. She’s so far from it, but that’s what makes her mine. This is about to sound super cheesy, but one thing my mom (and dad for that matter) always encouraged was to celebrate the things that made me different. For instance: I can’t eat food if it touches, I graduated high school with 10 people, and I have an irrational fear of having to ride on a bus. Guess who always had an interesting fact on the first day of class, spoiler alert, its me. ~However~ I was never scared to share what made me different and its completely because my mom taught me to always find pride in being different. Now how do I use this in college you make ask, so here you go: Because I was always taught to love my flaws, I was also taught to be kind and tolerant of other people’s too. As you get more comfortable with the idea, you even begin to seek this out in people, and let me tell you, those are the best friends you will ever make. Find what makes you different, accept it, live it, and love it bud because it’s not going anywhere.
7. Do not put wax paper in the oven. Embarrassingly, I was like 15 when this happened, but hey, that ish will catch on fire and it’s really just a no-go.
8. Authenticity is the best quality you can have. Be real with people. My mom has worked the same job for 35 years, had the same handful of friends for longer than that, and never once has she even attempted to act like something she isn’t. She knows she’s not perfect, and to be honest, she just doesn’t care. You don’t like her? She doesn’t care. You don’t agree with her? She’ll hear you out, but chances are she doesn’t care. She does what she thinks is best and tells people exactly how it is and to be straightforward, I think this is the best quality that I got from her. The ability to be yourself in a society that is so pushy with ideals and trends is a real one. On my merry lil’ way to trying to be a better person, I’ve found that this is the quality that sets me apart from a lot of people and helps me understand the people around me. In college this has obviously been helpful for many reasons. For instance: Talking to new people? A genuine heart is always a more attractive one. You see a kid dressed in all PJ’s riding a razor scooter down the concourse? That kid is rocking it and is honestly super innovative. You’re in a room full of new people and want to stand out? A genuine smile and authentic and wholesome attitude will make you stand out in any crowd.
9. People suck sometimes. If I had a dollar for the amount of times I have called my mother just to tell her about something that Becky, Brad, or whoever else did, I could probably afford my entire bucket list. However, I do not get paid for it, even though she probably should and every single time, her words are something like “well that’s alright” or “life goes on.” My mom grew up with a whole pile of unfortunate circumstances, and honestly, there’s no way I would have turned out the way that she did, which is another thing that makes her so special. Through everything I’ve been through in life, she’s never taken the time to pity herself or even me, but rather stressed the importance of learning to roll with the punches and get back up a little stronger than you fell. Considering college is a never ending streak of taking massive L’s, there’s no doubt this was one of those lessons I didn’t truly understand until I was on my own, fighting my own big girl battles.
10. Your hair may not always be perfect, you’re going to look homeless sometimes, and a lot of the times, things just aren’t going to go your way, but what’s important is that your heart is a whole lot prettier than you are. This doesn’t really need an explanation, but I hope it hits home.

My mother does not know how to turn on a computer, but just in case, I thought I’d throw this in there:

You rock mom. Thank-you for being the best imperfect, brutally honest, and intentional woman I know. You raised me to be strong, independent, kind, and genuine without even trying because you are already the best example I could have ever followed. I love you.

-CR