Right now, I have no idea what I want to do. It’s not that I don’t have options, or ideas, but it’s just simply that I don’t know what I want to do with my life. As a junior in college, you can bet that it’s a little unsettling. I have decisions (big ones) to make and a lot of the time I still think I should still be a 5-year-old riding in the backseat of my mom’s car rather than a 20-year-old who has been handed the responsibility of making something of myself. Some people respond to these thoughts by saying “you have time” and “you have your whole life ahead of you.” It’s not that they’re wrong, but they’re also not right. The decisions I make now are what will shape this “time” and “life” that people speak of. Some days my head screams, “get it together, figure it out,” and others, I realize I have some odd sense of comfort in the waiting.
Do you ever have that moment when you see or hear something and you’re just like “wow, that’s what I needed.” I feel like that happens all the time for me, probably due to the fact that I think far too much about far too many things, but I read something the other day that really hit home for me. As basic as this sounds, I was scrolling through Twitter the other day when I saw a tweet by (the wonderful, amazing, inspiring) Halsey that said:
“I’ve lived too long in absolutes. A control freak who needs to know the outcome of everything. Only “forever” and “never.” I hope I can finally learn how to bow at the hand of “maybe” and let life take the wheel. That is my wish for myself.”
“Learn how to bow at the hand of “maybe.”
The idea of that hit me, and hit me hard. If you knew me a year ago, you’d probably finding it baffling that I could even consider the idea of “maybe.” Before this past year, I was demanding of answers, understanding, and guarantees. Today, I have become very good friends with the idea of “maybe.” I have learned to roll with life, because I spent way too much time demanding things out of the world, and to be honest, I’m still terrible at it. I’m still demanding, I still want immediate answers and results, and I still want absolutes, because they keep us comfortable. However, I am learning, and that is what is important. I am making friends with “maybe.” I am learning that “comfortable” is mundane, boring, and useless. If you remain comfortable for your entire life, have you even lived?
These are just my thoughts on Wednesday morning, and they may mean nothing to you. But I challenge you to learn to be okay with “maybe’s.” It’s making all the difference in my life, because the further we can get away from absolutes, the closer we can get to the destiny that has been made for each of us.
a grain of salt 