make your life casual again

Something I’ve been meaning to do for a while: write.

Something else I’ve been meaning to do for a while: get my shit together.

You know, when I write these things, I try my best to not be corny, and I try to write things that draw people’s attention, but today, I just want to be real with you. It’s so easy for people to sit behind computer’s like this, or cameras, or social media’s. What’s not easy is talking about the parts of our lives that aren’t pretty or refined. What’s not easy is talking about our failures. What’s not easy is thinking about things that make you uncomfortable.

If you looked at my social media, you’d probably see that I go to an SEC school, I’m in a sorority, I come from a loving family, I have friends, etc. What people so quickly forget is that social media is a highlight reel of everyone’s life. So, here’s some things that my social media won’t tell you:

 

1. I eat Taco Bell far more than I eat salads and smoothie bowls.
2. Sometimes my dog frustrates me more than I could ever explain to you.
3. I rarely do anything with my sorority, and honestly, Greek life hasn’t been a completely positive experience for me.
4. Today I cried while driving because a train was taking too long.
5. Plenty of boys leave me on read, all the time.
6. I’m really self-conscious about the wrinkle in between my eyebrows (congrats, you’re going to notice it more now).
7. I have POTS, a disorder that affects every aspect of my life.
8. In the past 6 months, I have said goodbye to so many people that I never thought I’d live my life without.
9. Someone I really care about blocked my number about a year ago, and sometimes at night, I still call it just to make sure it still goes to voicemail.
10. I’m getting to the point in my life where I am really having to figure out what I want to do in the real world, and it scares me a whole lot.
11. I made myself drive to a coffee shop to write this because I physically cannot focus long enough to sit and write this in my room, because as soon as I get lost in what I’m writing, I give up, which is why it’s taken me so long to write this blog. Quite frankly, I’ve thought about erasing this whole website recently.
12. There’s 11 points, not 10, and that’s going to drive me insane.

 

These problems are so trivial compared to most of the world’s, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t real, and that they don’t affect me. I’m so tired of hearing people apologize for the way they feel, and I’m so tired of seeing people bury things because they think nobody will listen or understand.

We are all different. We all have different wants, different problems, different dreams, different nightmares. But the more days that I live, and the more people that I meet, one thing remains true: everyone wants to feel important. Everyone wants to feel wanted, even by just one person. Everyone wants to be treated with kindness and understanding. Everyone wants to be heard, loved on, and cared for.

The idea that humanity is so capable of love, yet we choose to be so toxic. We choose to polarize our views. We choose to look down on people for living differently than we do. We choose to criticize differences, rather than celebrate them. We choose to be so rigid, in a world that simply just needs some softness. These are choices that we as a society make.

At the end of the day, everybody needs somebody, everybody wants something that they can’t have, everyone is going through something you don’t fully understand, everyone wants to feel appreciated.

 

We are all people, and we all fail in some way every single day.

 

I read something the other day that said, “If you could meet you, would you like that company?” Honestly, I think if we all just thought about that and thought about the simple idea of treating others as we would want to be treated, the world would be much more peaceful than it is now. If we want tragedy, hatred, and polarization to stop, teaching love, compassion, and grace should be on the forefront of our priorities. No amount of law making or debating can change the lack of innate care and concern for other human beings.

I think the limiting factor for society as a whole is this false sense of “pride” that we hold. And sometimes I ask myself, what even is pride? I used to believe that it was being proud of yourself, but I’ve learned that’s not the right answer. Some of the moments that I’ve been the most proud of myself are moments that I’ve let my “pride” down. I challenge you to ask you what “pride” really means to you, and in what ways it hinders you from doing things that you really want to do.

Why don’t we tell people how we feel, dance when it feels right, or cry when we want to? I made a vow to myself a while ago to stop living to protect my “pride.” And I have to tell you, it’s made such a difference. It has allowed me to live without restriction, have less on my chest because everyone around me knew exactly how I felt, and put aside my own image of perfection to simply sit down with people who were struggling and listen. I started living the way I wanted to, because constantly withholding parts of myself for my “pride” got really boring after a while.

 

I started dancing when I heard a song I liked, I started singing to the top of my lungs and let people in traffic get their laugh, I started telling people that I loved them a whole lot more, I started telling my friends how much they helped me through a rough time when they had no clue I was struggling.

 

I let myself live, for the first time in such a long time, and to say that I encourage you to do the same would be an understatement.

 

If you haven’t been told recently, I’m proud of you for continuing when life got hard. I’m proud of you for not giving up on yourself.

 

I think you’re doing a beautiful job sorting through some heavy shit, and I encourage you to be the person that you always needed.

 

I hope this blog finds you in a happy place, and I hope you feel a little more alive because of it. Thank-you for reading, as always.

 

-CR